My plans, for all they were worth, became dust this week. At least my plans on doing a solo trek into the Seneca River Falls up on Spruce Knob in early October. My co-worker got a better job at a specialty pharmacy and I'm left, the sole pharmacy tech at the little place I work, till they get another body in there. Figure it will be mid-November before I get more than 1 day off at a time. So yeah, what a letdown.
Dear Daughter moves into her college dorm in 6 days so I'm cruising on some hard core empty nesting sadness. The one bright spot in my life in this house is leaving. I'll miss her desperately. The soon-to-be-ex got himself lawyered up (must be nice having a money bags to give him everything) and the petition has been filed. I received divorce papers last week, so I need to get my responses back. It really is time to push toward my own place where I can reboot my life and reinvent myself.
I'm not sure I'll ever be whole again, though - there's too much hurt, heartache and emotional damage. I certainly won't trust a man ever again - not easily anyway. Not after STBX and his shenanigans. I would like to use words that are much harsher and more descriptive, but I'll save those till the ink's dry on the divorce decree and I'm in a safe, healing place.
What I need, more than anything else right now (other than more Jesus in my life -- always need more Jesus), is a worthy goal. Going to work to earn money to keep the lights on and put food in the belly ... that's just survival. It's a day in-day out slog that has no meaning on its own. What's the worth of scrambling for survival level pay, coming home exhausted and staring at the TV or a video monitor day after day after day. Why continue breathing?
I seriously need a week away in the woods. Seriously.
Sorry for the depressing depression ramble.
No comments:
Post a Comment